Top Ten

I just took Juliana to the airport. She's heading home. It's the end of an era. Our trip in India is over.

Of course, I'm still in India... but I feel like I left about a week and a half ago. We said goodbye to Pondicherry on March 2nd and headed to Chennai, where we flew to the Andaman Islands, aka paradise. The Andaman Islands are a two hour flight southeast of Chennai. I didn't know they existed before coming to South India, where we heard delights of white beaches and florescent blue waters. The travelers we met that had been to the islands just had that twinkle in their eye when they looked at you and said, "You need to go there, man. It's paradise." So that was that.

In an effort to say goodbye to India, Juliana and I composed some lists, top-ten style. Sure, sure, they're not really in order and there are well more than ten components. But hey, if India has taught me anything, maybe it doesn't matter.

Things I Learned in India
1. Everything and anything is possible. As long as you can pay for it.
2. Smile with your eyes.
3. It's better to spike dark drinks, and a prescription bottle makes the best flask.
3. Never make eye contact with Mepal.
4. Don't hike 30 minutes in a wet bathing suit.
5. Pay attention to car horns.
6. We're all capable of loving everyone.
7. True education aids in bringing to surface the infinite hoard of wisdom within.
8. You never know. Failure opens as many doors as success.
9. Not everything on the menu is always available. Sometimes, there is no menu. And it doesn't matter; just sit down and enjoy the most delicious and spicy meal of your life... with your right hand.
10. Just say yes. Why not?
11. When on the back of a motorcycle, surrender.
12. Life is too short to wear boring clothes. The more color, more sparkle, and more textured fabric, the better.
13. You can pray to an elephant or a monkey or a blue man... You can make Buddha a reincarnation of Vishnu... you can have whatever creation story you want. It's all the same. Same same, but different.
14. When you're encircled by 15 rickshaw drivers wanting your business of 50 Indian people pushing in line for a ferry ticket, just laugh, hold your ground and keep out your elbows.
15.The best of humanity and the worst of humanity can exist side by side.
16. Our lives are impermanent.
17. The best dance moves involve "lightbulb screwing," shoulder shimmying and hip thrusts on your tippy toes.
18. Embrace silliness. Life is too short to be serious.
19. Time is not of the essence. Take a chai break.
20. We already know everything.

You Know You're in India When...
1. Everyone in the restaurant has a mustache.
2. You get on a bus that's an hour late, only to wait another half an hour while all the arm rests are attached.
3. Some sort of meat is marinating in the bathroom.
4. The fire extinguisher is decorated in light-up sparkly stuff.
5. The tailors says to be there at 7 am sharp. You go at 8:30. The sotre doesn't even open until 10.
6. You realize you need to buy a dishtowel, or toothpaste, or batteries while you're on the train. No worries, someone will come by selling it.
8. Everyone at the local store is 8 years old or younger.
9. Your bus takes a chai break.
10. You feel overwhelmed and hot and dirty and so uncomfortable you just need to sit down and take a breath. And in the process you're delving deep and questioning everything you thought you knew about life and death and order and chaos. And you shook around and spat back out again, and you just laugh. And see the beauty in it all.

Best Quotes
1. "Every man all over the world does not want the same thing every night. Every man not want chicken every night."
2. Mepal: "First you drink the whiskey, then you drink the bhang lassi..."
Me: "Mepal! That's cross fading!!"
3. "I mean, I'm not talking about anything bold here, like asking, 'wanna go eat some chicken?' Just maybe sitting really close, taking pictures and then following him."
4. "The fact that it goes that deep is really cool... I mean, not that you peed in your pants..."
5. "Anna, I ask of you again, do not drink the toilet water!"
6. Juliana: "Do you think our room is safe?"
Me: "I think so, really only a midget could fit through that window... and I have not seen any midgets in town..." (completely serious)
7. "Our experience with English guys is kinda like Goldilocks and the three bears."
8. "I've been watching Mel Gibson, Tom Hanks, and Russel Crowe... and now I've been watching you..."
9. "I vas just standing there talking to a midget. And it vas very distressing to realize, no? Ha ha ha ha ha!" (A fellow traveler talking about his experience on acid)
10. "You don't really have a foot. It's all an illusion."
11. "A cat box? A box for cats?"
12. A flyer we received in Goa said, No bullshit, just pure psytrance
"Well that's good. You can tell when it's not pure, cut up with other trance. You get a headache in the morning."
13. "You eat 25 chapatis a day? You, sir, are a chapati MONSTER!"
14. "And you know, a dead dog in a duffle bag is really hard to carry up the tube stairs."
15. "Have you considered looking into the connection between hipsters and Indian mustaches?"
16. "People will hear Anna and think 'elephant.' Then they will look at you and think, 'elephant?' No, no. More like a squirrel. A squirrel is a very lovely animal with a big, bushy tail..."
17. "You are a dive PERVERT! You weren't interested in my bubbles, were you? I bet there are magazines for people like you! You've already been certified, haven't you? That's why you had to do SSI. You're probably in the fish section - there's a sign that says, 'beware of this one!'"
18. "I will bite you so hard you will not be able to go to the Andamans!"
Rik: "That's a really weird thing to say."

That's all the listing I'll be doing for now. Of course there are more, but I have to catch a ferry in an hour back to paradise (Havelock Island)... and away from the internet.

The next time I'll be checking the internet, I'll be en route to Thailand... for an epic reunion at the Starbucks on the 3rd floor at Bangkok's main terminal...!!!!